Technique

In “Gleanings from Snow Country,” Yasunari Kawabata uses an editing technique that condenses character development to increase the story pace. Kawabata’s technique is so powerful that he consolidated a 170-page novel (Snow Country) into an 11-page short story.

The above passage reduces the characters in the novel from four to two in the short story, eliminating the backstory of why the characters are on the train. Then it cuts the dialogue between the two characters to focus on the symbolic weather and landscape. Here’s the longer passage from the novel:

THE TRAIN came out of the long tunnel into the snow country. The earth lay white under the night sky. The train pulled up at a signal stop. 

A girl who had been sitting on the other side of the car came over and opened the window in front of Shimamura. The snowy cold poured in. Leaning far out the window, the girl called to the station master as though he were a great distance away. 

The station master walked slowly over the snow, a lantern in his hand. His face was buried to the nose in a muffler, and the flaps of his cap were turned down over his ears. 

It’s that cold, is it, thought Shimamura. Low, barracklike buildings that might have been railway dormitories were scattered here and there up the frozen slope of the mountain. The white of the snow fell away into the darkness some distance before it reached them. 

“How are you?” the girl called out. “It’s Yoko.” 

“Yoko, is it. On your way back? It’s gotten cold again.” 

“I understand my brother has come to work here. Thank you for all you’ve done.” 

“It will be lonely, though. This is no place for a young boy.” 

“He’s really no more than a child. You’ll teach him what he needs to know, won’t you.”

“Oh, but he’s doing very well. We’ll be busier from now on, with the snow and all. Last year we had so much that the trains were always being stopped by avalanches, and the whole town was kept busy cooking for them.” 

“But look at the warm clothes, would you. My brother said in his letter that he wasn’t even wearing a sweater yet.” 

“I’m not warm unless I have on four layers, myself. The young ones start drinking when it gets cold, and the first thing you know they’re over there in bed with colds.” 

He waved his lantern toward the dormitories. “Does my brother drink?” 

“Not that I know of.” 

“You’re on your way home now, are you?” 

“I had a little accident. I’ve been going to the doctor.” 

“You must be more careful.” The station master, who had an overcoat on over his kimono, turned as if to cut the freezing conversation short. 

“Take care of yourself,” he called over his shoulder. 

“Is my brother here now?” Yoko looked out over the snow-covered platform. 

“See that he behaves himself.” It was such a beautiful voice that it struck one as sad. In all its high resonance it seemed to come echoing back across the snowy night.

The girl was still leaning out the window when the train pulled away from the station.

“Tell my brother to come home when he has a holiday,” she called out to the station master, who was walking along the tracks. 

“I’ll tell him,” the man called back. 

Yoko closed the window and pressed her hands to her red cheeks. 

Three snowplows were waiting for the heavy snows here on the Border Range. There was an electric avalanche-warning system at the north and south entrances to the tunnel. Five thousand workers were ready to clear away the snow, and two thousand young men from the volunteer fire-departments could be mobilized if they were needed. 

Yoko’s brother would be working at this signal stop, so soon to be buried under the snow—somehow that fact made the girl more interesting to Shimamura. 

“The girl”—something in her manner suggested the unmarried girl. Shimamura of course had no way of being sure what her relationship was to the man with her. They acted rather like a married couple. The man was clearly ill, however, and illness shortens the distance between a man and a woman. The more earnest the ministrations, the more the two come to seem like husband and wife. A girl taking care of a man far older than she, for all the world like a young mother, can from a distance be taken for his wife. 

But Shimamura in his mind had cut the girl off from the man with her and decided from her general appearance and manner that she was unmarried. And then, because he had been looking at her from a strange angle for so long, emotions peculiarly his own had perhaps colored his judgment.

Use

• Focus on the story essentials that keep the story moving forward by eliminating characters and backstory. While editing, ask yourself: “Is the story closer to the ending with the passage?”